“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and hoping the other person to die.” Buddha
The negative emotion of anger is as normal as the positive emotion of happiness. Anger is an aggressive response of an individual to some threat from the environment. The threat is not always from the outside but most often from inside the self.
As adults we express this hurt as anger, so why not the same for children? When we allow our children to express happiness why so much restriction on the negative emotion? Remember as a rule that all emotions are allowed for every human being, only actions need be limited. When kids stock up their emotions, those feelings are no longer under conscious control. They pop out unregulated from the unconscious mind, and the child thrashes at someone.
Anger is fine but not aggression. Let them channelize their anger on their own but if it becomes aggressive then parents have to intervene.
Signs to look out for when your child needs help handling anger
Regular outburst as if she is overly sensitive.
She can’t control her aggressive impulses and hits people.
She constantly behaves like a victim.
She damages things around the house.
She looks vengeful most of the time
She is aggressive to animals and smaller children.
She is constantly reflexively oppositional.
She repeatedly expresses hatred toward herself or someone else.
You child learns yelling and calmness from you so you have to be a good role model.So when you are out to control the anger of your child, first start you be calm enough to handle the negative emotion of your child. You can’t have two people getting angry and yelling at the same time.
Let the child vent when she is angry as long as she isn’t causing any damage to self or her surroundings. Do not yell back or challenge the child when she is angry, because it will only get worse on both sides.
Help teach your child to identify signs of building up of the anger. Tell her when she feels the heat building up to calm down through breathing or leaving the scene of anger.
Let us also understand that letting children to express emotions doesn’t mean that we allow it to follow destructive actions. This will only add to their guilt when they are calm and sense that they’re a bad person.
When they are angry don’t lock them up in a room alone and expect them to calm down on their own. Instead loiter around and help her move through these tough feelings. You’ll be amazed at how your child begins to show more self-control when you adopt this practice, because she feels less helpless and alone. At times like these they need your love and attention.
Some creative ways to help your child manage the anger and have fun while doing it
Ask her to punch a pillow or stomp her feet when she is mad and wish to show some physical anger.
You can teach her to calm down by breathing slow and bringing down the anger.
You can suggest herto draw her anger on a piece of paper if she is small.
If the child is older you can ask her to express in writing what she is angry about, and then fiercely rip it into tiny pieces.
You can give her a stress ball and demonstrate working out annoyance on the squishy ball.
Be creative and put on some music and let her express through an angry dance.
Spend time with your child daily listening and connecting to everything your child says and respond with empathy. Hug your child as much as you can and be the last person to let go of the hug as you don’t know how long the child needs it.
Written by : Jaseena Backer